Looking Back
by Writing Rebel
Summary: With Mike digging into Harvey's past, the senior partner's having trouble keeping his memories at bay.


**Author's Note: Hi there. I'm back. And with another Suits fic. Yay!**

**So I got inspired when I saw the preview for next weeks episode. With Mike looking into to Harvey's past at the DA. And Harvey looked so upset about it all. And this came to me.**

**I'm pretty sure I'm way off. But hey... I had fun writing it. So who cares? Right?**

**Anyway... Here's my latest oneshot.**

**Hope you enjoy!**

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><p>Harvey Specter fell onto the busy Manhattan street outside Pearson Hardman. The heat was a drastic change from the heavily air conditioned law firm he'd just been in. The sun blinded him, burning his eyes. The hundreds of people around him made so much noise it muddled his brain.<p>

But he was thankful for it all just as long as it got him away from that damn building.

Away from his damn associate.

He didn't understand why Mike was fixating on his days at the DA's office, but he wanted the kid to stop.

_Needed _the kid to stop.

His meddling was stirring up bad memories.

The firm behind him was not allowing him to clear his head, so he decided to take a walk.

If Jessica had any questions about his whereabouts Donna would take care of it. They would both understand.

After all, they both knew the reason he had left the DA's office and run back to the senior partner who'd helped him become a lawyer.

And they both knew it was the same reason he carried around a heartless, uncaring façade like a shield.

They both knew it _was _a façade.

He hadn't always been so cold.

In fact, behind the injured baseball player who drank too much every once in a while, he used to be quite caring.

Maybe he wasn't open about it like Mike, but when he loved he loved hard.

Few people knew that about him, but the few people who did were all that mattered.

Jessica.

Donna.

Ray.

Mike.

Tony.

He shook his head, crossing the street and continuing his walk.

This was why he didn't like people digging in his past.

It always made him think of her.

Antoinette 'Tony' Parker had moved to New York during their senior year of high school.

From Mississippi, she was Southern Belle through and through.

As a boy who'd grown up in The Bronx that had fascinated him. She was prim and proper. Polite and well spoken. And her words were thick and twanged like nothing he'd ever heard before.

He'd never had a chance.

His heart was gone the second her met her.

Lucky enough for him hers had been too.

Not long after meeting in their senior physics class, they'd been an item, inseparable.

When most of his friends had left him after his shoulder injury, she'd stayed by him.

They'd followed each other to college.

Then she'd followed him to Harvard, where he had asked her to marry him.

Never in his life had he felt as good and happy as he did when she said, "Yes.'

But the beautiful relationship he had been able to rely on for nearly eight years had gone straight to hell when he landed his job at the DA's office.

The long hours and troublesome cases quickly began to take their toll on the couple.

But Harvey wished not being home enough was the only reason he had ended their relationship.

A group of giggling girls shook his attention form the memories of Tony and back to reality.

He followed them with their eyes as they walked into a building.

It was small, the front wall nothing but windows. Inside the walls were lined with mirrors, and the floor was shiny hardwood.

A dance studio.

Tony had always loved to dance. Had even dreamed of owning her own studio.

A few years before he had heard from a mutual friend that she had.

And as he looked up he saw that he was standing in front of that very studio.

_Dance The Night Away _glared down at him.

He hadn't been surprised that she'd named it after her favorite Van Halen song. She may have been a Southern Belle but she'd always loved her classic rock.

The group of girls started running around the studio as a tall woman with porcelain skin and thick black hair came into the room.

Tony.

The slight limp she walked with didn't take away from her beauty. Neither did the brace covering one knee.

But it did com crashing down onto the lawyer, reminding him why he'd left her.

That damn brace.

It was because of him.

If only he'd been home that night.

If only he hadn't taken _that _case.

But he could wish and 'if only' all he wanted.

It wouldn't change the past. It wouldn't change the fact she'd been attacked.

He'd been working on a particularly heinous case with the NYPD. A young man by the name of Norman Bittsman had been going around the city carving people up. Not just a certain type of person. Anyone he felt deserved it. Everyone was in danger while this crazed man remained on the streets.

But when they'd caught him, his over protective brother, Harry, hadn't been happy.

It was no secret that ADA Specter was engaged to a beautiful woman who killed herself trying to help others.

The oldest of the Bittsman brothers had paid Tony a visit late one night while she was closing up the diner she worked at.

He'd asked to use the phone to call a friend to pick him up. The naïve southerner he loved so much had let him in and he had brutally attacked her.

A broken nose.

Black eyes.

A gash to her head.

A shattered collar bone.

Three broken ribs.

A dislocated hip.

Two breaks in her right leg.

Tears in the ligaments of her left knee.

By the time Harvey had gotten to the hospital he hadn't been able to recognize the woman he loved.

She was battered, bruised, and broken.

And it was all his fault.

That was something he hadn't been able to handle.

He hadn't been able to handle the thought of it happening to her again.

Not because of him.

So he'd taken the cowards way out.

Once he knew that she was out of the woods and well on her way to recovery, he had told her that he couldn't marry her.

He honestly couldn't remember much of what he'd said. That was a blur of rushed, insincere words.

What he did remember was her.

"_You're kiddin' right? I'm laid up in a hospital in traction, and you're dumpin' me? I cant even fucking get up to piss and you're… you're dumpin' me?"_

She'd always had a way with words.

She had been so good at making something that made so much sense to him then sound so stupid.

Which it had been.

Just stupid.

And not a day had gone by that he hadn't wished he could go back and change that.

But he couldn't.

"Girls."

The voice, still as twangy as ever, was muffled because of the glass.

But it still succeeded in bringing him back to reality once again.

Ten young girls stared at him with big eyes as he looked into the studio.

And there she was, standing behind them, her green eyes looking back at him.

"Go on girls. Start doing your stretches." Her eyes never left his.

He looked at the woman he hadn't seen in almost a decade and felt his heart flutter in a way it hadn't since the last time he saw her. Tearing his eyes away from hers, he looked down at the brace on her knee. When he looked back up she shrugged.

She obviously didn't care about the lasting effects of her injuries But looking at that brace, knowing she was still hurt, tore his heart in half.

"Ms. Tony. Are we gonna start soon?"

She looked at him for a few more seconds before placing a smile on her face and turning to her class.

"Yup. Right now."

She walked away from the window.

Away from him.

And even though he'd been the one to leave all those years ago, it hurt him.

Straightening, he began the walk back to Pearson Hardman.

That wasn't him anymore.

He wasn't caring ADA Specter, engaged to his high school sweetheart, hiding his open heart behind sarcastic quips.

He'd walked away from that life.

Now he was Harvey Specter, senior partner for one of the most successful law firms in the city, best closer Manhattan had ever seen. He no longer hid behind his sarcasm. He wielded it like a weapon.

He had better things to do than pine for a woman he would never have.

He had a fake associate to mold.

Problematic high profile cases to win.

Nameless women to charm.

And an empty, loveless life to live.

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><p><strong><span>Authors' Note:<span> So... That was it. My take on why Harvey is so quiet about his DA days. And why he never shows his emotions.**

**I hope you liked it. If you did let me know!**

**Thanks..**

**Writing Rebel**


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